Our Pastor: Cultivating the Fine Art of Listening
By Dr. James L. Snyder
If confession is good for the soul, I must confess here, I have not been successful at everything in my life. Oh yes, there are a few things I have been successful at, which I won’t mention right now. But many things I have failed to succeed at.
One thing I have failed to succeed at, even though I have tried all my life, is listening.
My ears work, and I can hear many things, but it’s listening when I fail.
My first experience in this area of listening was when I met The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. We met in September, and had become a couple by January.
One night, we were traveling with a group, and she casually asked, “Wouldn’t it be nice to get married?”
Having failed in woman-ology and thinking it was just a casual question, I said, “It sure would be nice to get married.”
The next day, in the school halls, everybody congratulated me, and for the life of me, I did not know what they were talking about. I just thought I passed a test for the first time.
Later, I realized they congratulated me on my engagement to get married. I was the last one to know.
Early in our marriage, she said, “Correct me if I’m wrong…” Then, she explained the situation from her perspective.
I usually would do what she asked and correct her. The first time I did this, I was not prepared for the outcome.
Looking at me, she graciously said, “If I want your opinion, I will ask for it.” I began to understand that hearing and listening are two different occupations. I can hear everything she is saying, but I’m not listening to what she is saying. I’m not quite sure how to connect these two things.
Finally, I began to understand what she meant. When she said, “Correct me if I’m wrong,” she was not asking for a correction, but something completely different. She wanted to hear from me, “My dear, you are absolutely correct.”
I began to understand what people meant when they said, “A happy wife is a happy family.”
Even though I’m still trying to develop a learning curve in this area, I have learned that my happiest days are not when I am right. I used to think they were, but I have graduated to a different understanding.
Recently, I noticed that The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has used the phrase, “Correct me if I’m wrong,” more times than I’ve ever heard her say that. I’m not sure if it’s intentional, but at my level of understanding, I’m going to accept it and say to her every time, “Oh, my dear, you are absolutely correct.”
The smile on her face when I say that is very satisfying and worth my effort. I must make a choice in life: her smile or my being right. At my level of experience, I always choose the former.
While thinking about this recently I remembered a very wonderful verse in the New Testament. “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: (James 1:19).
I need to cultivate the fine art of listening. That simply means that I’m going to be slow to speak and only speak when I have thought through what I am hearing.
Dr. James L. Snyder lives in Ocala, FL with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Telephone 1-352-216-3025, email jamessnyder51@gmail.com, website http:// www.jamessnyderministries.com.